He was in his 90s – I never imagined he would sexually assault me
He was in his 90s – I never imagined he would sexually assault me
I always believed that if I ever faced sexual assault, I would confront the perpetrator head-on. Yet, when it actually happened, I froze instantly. I didn’t scream; I couldn’t utter a word.
In the moments afterwards, this 90-something-year-old man – someone I had thought of as a sage and reliable guide – grinned with unmistakable satisfaction. He traced his tongue over his lips, reminiscent of a lizard, as if savoring the moment of my distress.
The incident seemed routine, an unremarkable occurrence in a pattern that would repeat. I wasn’t the first and wouldn’t be the last. During lockdown, when I was confined to my home like everyone else, it struck me that life is not a second chance. Each moment counts, and I couldn’t afford to ignore the signs any longer.
Acting had captivated me since childhood. I’d long dreamed of studying under a celebrated instructor in Los Angeles, but various life circumstances kept delaying my plans. A few years ago, the urgency hit me. I realized I couldn’t keep postponing something that mattered so deeply. Knowing the acting teacher I’d admired was of advanced age made the decision even clearer: if I didn’t act now, the opportunity might disappear forever.
This Is Not Right
On November 25, 2024, Metro launched ‘This Is Not Right,’ a campaign aimed at confronting the persistent crisis of violence against women. With the help of partners at Women’s Aid, the initiative seeks to highlight the scale of this national emergency.
Weeks passed without a response, and I feared I had delayed too long. Then, unexpectedly, his assistant replied, extending an invitation for six private lessons. I really thought I was going to learn something unique, timeless, and quintessential about acting. I saw his age as an advantage – he was accomplished. I couldn’t help feeling I would be in the presence of someone very special.
The initial part of the session unfolded as anticipated. He outlined basic acting principles and guided us through exercises centered on observation and recall. His demeanor remained unassuming.
Toward the session’s end, he proposed a new exercise in a gentle voice. He gestured subtly and instructed me to close my eyes, repeating his name as soon as an event transpired. I stood motionless, eyes shut and waiting – until his hand darted down, swift and forceful, into my sweater.
His assistant, a 30-something man, remained throughout and saw everything. When I opened my eyes, I turned to him for support, but his indifferent gaze suggested he was part of the abuse. Irony struck as I felt too embarrassed to put the teacher on the spot for the humiliating act he had just performed.
The teacher suggested another session the following week. I had no desire to accept his invitation; the thought of his next move filled me with dread. Once I left, what had happened in the studio finally hit me, and I burst into tears. The image I had of him as a wise, trustworthy mentor made the experience feel even more violating.
He was so well-respected, with an impressive career, and during the session he had even mentioned his wife – these things made his behavior feel all the more incomprehensible and disturbing. I later pondered whether the behavior of older men is shaped by their age and their experiences from a different era. However, growing up in a ‘different time’ is never an excuse for any kind of sexual assault.
I didn’t attend any more sessions, but stayed for another month in LA before returning home. A week later, I received an email asking why I didn’t show up for my second lesson. I couldn’t believe the acting teacher had the audacity to assume I would return after what had occurred.
Victim Support offers support to survivors of rape and sexual abuse. You can contact them on 0333 300 6389.
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