Kittenfishing: The Subtle Art of Deception in Modern Dating
Kittenfishing is the new catfishing What – When scrolling through dating apps, it’s not uncommon to find profiles that hint at more than they reveal. Whether it’s a slight exaggeration of height, a carefully chosen career title, or a photo that’s been lightly edited, these small tweaks often serve a purpose: to enhance one’s appeal. For many, this behavior is a familiar part of the dating game, and it’s not always intentional.
However, there’s a specific term for this practice, and it’s gaining traction in online dating circles. Enter “kittenfishing”—a less extreme counterpart to the well-known “catfishing.” While catfishing typically involves crafting an entirely fabricated persona, kittenfishing is more about minor embellishments designed to make a person seem more desirable in the early stages of a relationship. The result? A pattern of dishonesty that can lead to disillusionment, even if the intent is to create a better first impression.
Why Do People Kittenfish?
According to Amy Chan, a dating coach and author of “Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love that Lasts,” kittenfishing often stems from a desire to stand out in a crowded digital dating landscape. “It’s the PG version of catfishing,” she explains. “I once matched with someone who listed Harvard on their profile, but it soon became clear they hadn’t actually graduated. They’d just taken a single course there.”
“Kittenfishing usually comes from insecurity, not malice,” Chan adds. “Many people alter their age or height just to filter out the less enthusiastic matches. Their logic: Once we meet, the superficial details won’t matter. The problem? Most people feel misled when the person in front of them doesn’t match the profile. A small lie, however innocent, can chip away at trust before a relationship even begins.”
Dating apps have transformed the way people connect, creating an environment where first impressions are often made in seconds. This high-pressure setup encourages users to present their best selves, even if it means tweaking the truth. “It’s like an online marketplace,” Chan notes. “Everyone’s trying to sell their qualities, and the competition is fierce. To catch someone’s attention, you need to highlight your strengths.”
But there’s a catch: the more you embellish, the harder it is to maintain authenticity. “Kittenfishers aren’t necessarily bad people,” Chan says. “They’re just not aware of how these small deceptions can impact the relationship’s foundation.” This trend reflects a broader cultural shift toward curated identities, where even the most personal details are polished for presentation.
The Fine Line Between Kittenfishing and Authenticity
Damona Hoffman, another dating coach and author of “F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story,” agrees. “Kittenfishing is part of the process, but it’s a delicate balance,” she says. “You want to showcase your best qualities, but you also need to be genuine. Otherwise, how will you know if you and the person you’re dating are truly compatible?”
Hoffman highlights that social media, in general, encourages people to present idealized versions of themselves. Dating apps amplify this tendency, as users often feel the need to compete for attention. “Everyone’s doing it to some degree,” she says. “You pick photos that highlight your best moments and skip the less flattering ones. But when it comes to dating, that’s where the problem starts.”
While kittenfishing might seem harmless, it can create a disconnect between the profile and the real person. Hoffman warns that relying too heavily on superficial changes risks setting up expectations that are hard to meet. “If you’re kittenfishing too aggressively, you’re likely to be disappointed when the person you meet doesn’t align with the image you created,” she says. “We’re not just chasing likes—we’re trying to build meaningful connections.”
Other Trends in the Dating World
Alongside kittenfishing, new terms are emerging to describe other dating behaviors. One such term is “Banksying,” which refers to a pattern of misrepresentation that leaves people feeling confused or betrayed. Unlike kittenfishing, which focuses on minor tweaks, Banksying might involve more significant omissions or exaggerations. However, the core idea remains similar: the goal is to attract attention, even if it means slighting the truth.
Another trendy phrase is “Shrekking,” which sounds sweet but carries a hidden meaning. Hoffman explains that Shrekking involves presenting a polished, almost cartoonish version of oneself—like a character from a fairytale—while hiding deeper insecurities or flaws. “It’s not just about looking good,” she says. “It’s about shaping how others perceive you, even if it’s not entirely accurate.”
These terms reflect the evolving nature of online dating, where users are constantly adapting their strategies to navigate a complex social landscape. While some may argue that small deceptions are necessary for success, others see them as a symptom of a larger issue: the pressure to be perfect in every interaction.
Building Trust Through Authenticity
Despite its popularity, kittenfishing has its drawbacks. “The more you hide, the more you risk losing someone’s trust,” Hoffman says. “People want to feel that the person they meet is who they see online. If the reality doesn’t match the profile, it can feel like a betrayal, even if it was unintentional.”
To avoid this, experts recommend focusing on storytelling rather than superficial perfection. “Each photo on your dating profile should reveal something about your personality,” Chan advises. “A head shot might show your confidence, while a candid image could hint at your sense of humor. The goal isn’t to look flawless—it’s to create a relatable, human image that invites connection.”
Chan also emphasizes the importance of consistency between the profile and the person in real life. “If you’re showcasing a lifestyle of adventure, you should be prepared to talk about it. If you’re highlighting a professional achievement, you should be ready to explain it. That’s how you build trust and ensure that your first impressions are accurate.”
Ultimately, the key to successful dating lies in striking a balance between presentation and authenticity. “Kittenfishing is a tool, not a strategy,” Hoffman says. “It’s about making yourself more appealing without losing your true self. The challenge is knowing when to tweak the truth and when to stay honest.”
As dating apps continue to shape how people form relationships, terms like kittenfishing and Banksying are becoming part of the cultural conversation. Whether it’s a small lie about height or a bigger one about career accomplishments, these practices highlight the tension between self-presentation and genuine connection. For those looking to avoid disappointment, the message is clear: be truthful, be yourself, and let your real story shine through. After all, the best relationships start with a foundation of trust—and trust is built when people are who they claim to be.
